Finding Identity: Why It Shapes Every Part of Your Life

Identity is a big deal in our world. Identity politics, identity theft (it’s not a joke Jim), and gender identity are all terms that one can hear pretty regularly if they pay attention to any number of media outlets. Now, focus in on the word identity. This is not a surface level concept that is being addressed. This is a deep-seated understanding of how we see ourselves. Our identity dictates our everyday actions, how we view others, and . These actions in turn determine our direction, and this direction determines the destination. While this would seem to be an issue to be discussed, and have a profound impact on our individual lives, we typically do not intentionally address it often on an interpersonal level.

People find their identity in many different places. We tend to naturally drift towards group or vibe that makes us feel comfortable or accepted. We often look to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. A political or humanitarian cause is a pretty typical example. Activists find their identity in the cause. Athletes find their identity in the game. Many people simply find their identity in their significant other or worse, in my opinion, their job. These are all places you can live out your identity, but it’s not where you should discover. It’s good to be well-rounded and have things that give you joy and depth in life. But we have to ask ourselves, is this really what I want my identity to be? Let’s take one of these examples and break it down a little.

A few years back, I had the opportunity to coach junior high football. I was mostly with the “B” team all season, and loved almost (junior high students can be fun) every second of it. Most of these kids came to the first day of practice assuming they will be playing college football and maybe heading to the NFL one day. Almost all of them were furious at themselves when they made a mistake. When one of their teammates made a mistake that negatively impacted them, I literally had to pull kids apart because they are in each other’s faces yelling at each other. Why the extreme response over a game? Because they have placed so much of their identity between those white lines and in those pads. The speech, that was mostly memorized, I recited the most is reminding them that the stakes are low. Competition is great, passion is amazing, but we tangle those concepts up with a single game. Competitiveness and passion should be large parts of their identity that inform how they play the game and how they approach life. If they make football the big part of their identity, then that will only last as long as they play. This leaves a gaping hole that I have seen in too many Uncle Ricos of the world. If they take passion and competition and weave that into their identity, they can apply those principles throughout their lives, and these endure.

Ask yourself where you find your identity. It’s a critical question. I would argue that every single one of the world’s problems stem from two things: First, the fact that we find our identity in the wrong things. Second, that we don’t fully understand the things we are placing our identity in.

Clearly, the first statement is a subjective one. I can only give my opinion, but some places are just bad news in terms of finding your identity. Politics, achievements, even trauma can be toxic if we use them to define ourselves. Only you can decide what you want out of life. As someone who is still finding purpose and identity, I would encourage you to find something lasting. Something that is more real than social media and more fulfilling than a job that you keep solely for the money. Ultimately, this is a question that every individual who wants to have a deeper meaning in life must ask themselves.

The second statement is where it tends to get tricky. Let’s say you make it past the first step. You decide different things you want to incorporate into your identity, and it is starting to take shape. It is meaningful, makes you feel a sense of wholeness, and you know it is who you are at your core. Often, we misinterpret or do not fully understand this newfound identity. Allow me to use a Biblical example.

Jesus is traveling the region of Judea teaching about the Kingdom of God and healing the sick. His disciples have been following Him for roughly three years at this point. They have seen Jesus perform miracles, cast out demons, and heard Him spell out who He is and His purpose. Jesus wanted to go to Judea to raise Lazarus from the dead. They had recently run into trouble there, with the locals wanting to stone Jesus. Despite having followed through all this and consistently getting out of dire situations, Thomas turns to the other disciples and says, “Let us also go, that we may die with him”. Now, I’ll go out on a limb and say these guys giving up everything and following Jesus made them pretty serious Jesus freaks. As far as we can tell, He was their identity. They did everything with and for Him. Yet after all that time, they feared that He would die. And consequently, they would as well. The knew Jesus as teacher, but did not understand fully who He was. Even the accounts of the crucifixion confirm they never really understood Who they were actually following.

Discovering your identity is not something that happens by accident. It requires intentionality that most of us are too distracted to embrace. In a world filled with competing voices, expectations, and distractions, we must make the deliberate choice to seek truth about who we are, and in my opinion, Whose we are. Taking time for reflection, surrounding ourselves with wise influences, embracing our God-given purpose, and allowing our character to be shaped by things that last all contribute to a strong and enduring identity. When we are intentional about discovering our identity, we become less defined by circumstances or the opinions of others and more grounded in the values and purpose we were created to live. Identity is a journey of continual growth, and every intentional step toward truth brings greater freedom, purpose, and joy. The destination you want is there, you just have to seek it earnestly.

“How we believe ourselves to be loved is perhaps the most important belief for any person, because how we are loved will determine how we love”. -Vince Vitale